Dear Ian (this is Gigi’s dad)
Hope you are having a wonderful holiday. Gigi (pic below) is missing you but I’ve been taking really good care of her (see my angelic face above, I’ve practically got a halo!) and she really feels at home. She has been part of our family for four weeks and has really settled in. During the day while mum and dad are at work we sleep snuggled up together in G’s kennel – can you believe it! We are both also loving going to the dog park together each morning and again in the evening – and look forward to chasing each other around. I usually chase G and she tries to evade capture – she is super agile for an old gal (sorry G!).
Well mum has asked me to write to you to give you advance warning of something bad that happened while you’ve been away so you don’t get a shock when you arrive home in two weeks. G was too ashamed to tell you so mum has made me as part of my punishment. This week we went crazy playing and tore two giant holes in G’s canvas kennel (well actually, we ripped the gauze windows right out – see G inspecting the work below) and mum says it’s completely ruined (I prefer to think of it as renovating for summer!). Mum and dad were not happy when they came home and found us both looking v sheepish, and I got sent to bed early. I knew we were doing bad but…well it was just so damn fun that we got carried away and before we knew it…well, you know the rest. Anyway we’re very very sorry Ian.
Unfortunately our path of destruction over the last month hasn’t just been limited to the kennel – mum and dad have had to confiscate almost all my toys as we’ve been systematically ripping them to shreds and dad said they’re not safe to play with anymore. Hmm…I figure it’s their fault for not buying me more robust toys. Anyway the casualties so far include:
My bumble bee – legs missing, wings gone – prosthetics could make him fly again!
My plush snail – face torn off, disemboweled – requires intensive care
My python – de-stuffed in places – okay I admit it – situation critical
My bunny – ears missing – I hear its the latest fashion
Kong bunny – ears missing – see I told you – all these bunnies are doing it!
Kong Monkey – leg amputated, body MIA – no comment (I think Gigi buried him behind the eggplant but don’t tell anyone!)
Parrot – foot amputated – you’ve seen sea-gulls – they’re missing feet all the time – no biggie.
Pink sheep – disemboweled and torn to shreds – mere flesh – wounds people!
Duck – no longer quacking – broken neck – looks delicious!
Anyway Ian don’t let this inventory of destruction ruin your holiday ’cause really we’ve been v good – calm and sedate – as demonstrated by this next photo:
(NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! Wrong photo mum!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
(Mmmmmuuuuummmmmm!!!! Now how am I going to convince Ian that Gigi was innocent in all this!?)
Ah Ian, actually it wasn’t Gigi at all, really – I mean, it was full moon and, well, something must have come over me…
It could only be the work of… (drum-roll please people)…devil dawg – HOUND OF DESTRUCTION!!!!!!!
(Stay tuned for further installments of my letter to Ian, Gigi’s dad).
© Beatrice Bella Fauve and Bella Vizsla, 2010.